The worst thing that can happen to a person is...you are lying to yourself that you are not alone, but the fact is..everytime when you wake up from your dream, you found out that you are alone actually. You've lost, got no direction and you don't know where should you go anymore. Whatever you did....it probably can't turn back anymore. It's the saddest moment that you are going through. From now on, please appreciate everyone around you..especially your love ones.
I remain silent all the while since that day..staying away from everything, doesn't mean I got no feeling at all. Wearing my poker face, pretend to be tough and...hide myself at the far far corner..cuz' I choose to keep everything to myself and...looking at you...silently. After everything we had gone through....do you think it's so easy to erase everything and start a new journey? =(
Probably....this is the last post that I wanna post here. Found out that I posted lots of emo stuff here. Realize there are few people read my blog..and they were worry bout me. Shouldn't let them worry anymore. But...it's so hard to keep everything by myself. There's nobody that I can really talk to. Wanna talk and share with you but I don't get a chance to do so.....here is the last place that I can tell out my feelings and probably.....maybe to let you know =(
Recently lots of stuff happened....the things around us has changed and the people changed. Try to make it back as normal as we had before...but it won't back to what we used to have. But no matter how, I tried my best to love you, care you and appreciate you. I tried my best to show you how I care for you and how I think of you. I always wish that you are willingly to tell and share with me your problems. I might be not always on time for you but I really try my best to be there for you no matter how. I put effort on us...just to let you know I'm serious with our relationships. But the thing...it doesn't work out. The way I did most probably wrong....I couldn't bring you secure. I couldn't bring you trust. You choose to close the door for me. Suddenly I felt...I'm just like a stranger for you. I'm not the one that you used to love anymore.
You are the one who told me with 7 words, 'forever and always, I will love you'. And with this...I take this as my believe and my promise. I really work hard to build our future cuz I know...we are going to walk side by side for the journey in the future. No matter how hard the obstacles are...your hand is the only thing I wanna hold with. I never think that you are not good enough for me, maybe sometimes you treated me a little bit bad...but it doesn't matter...... Cuz' I know, from deep down of your heart, You are the one who love me the most and I really appreciate it. It's not that easy to find someone that you love and she loves you with her heart. That's why...not matter how harsh that you told me..I use all of my heart to save it back. I don't wish to complain anything...just the thing is...I felt like you not used to treat me like you have before. I'm worry and I'm scare of losing you. Probably some mistakes that I've done before makes you treat me like that but...everyone does has mistakes. Could you accept it if you love me? I don't expect anything from you...I just wish that you could care me like how sweet you did before. Just a little bit is enough to cheer my day =( I'm not complaining...I just wanna tell you the problem so that you would know.. If I really don't care of it and treat it like nothing...probably you are not that important in my heart anymore. But the fact is...I didn't do so...
Wish to meet you today and have a talk with you.....but you choose to turn down. Know you will be having test soon....so....after few days ba =(
Guess you might be reading it or not. But...Just to let you know...we are couples. Everything about you will related to me. We share every hard time and happiness together. What you did will affected me. How you feel will related to my feelings as well. If we really love each other...we shall love our hearts out...there's nothing to hide...and we trust on each other.
Probably...I'm not that good enough for you..and might not meet what you expected. The way I care you was wrong...and makes you feel that I'm so annoying. The promise I gave...only bring you disappointment. I don't deserve anything from you. From now on...you have all the freedom that you want to..without thinking of me. You have all the time you want to...without spending a single minute for me. You can do what you like..without caring how I feel. I don't mean anything for you anymore...I won't control you. Guess you will live better without me... It's the last and the true words that I wanna say and not gonna post at here anymore. I will keep everything with myself...
Still remember....it was the song playing when the first time I confessed to you. Hope that it could pamper me to sleep better tonight. It's been 3 nights continuously that I can't sleep already. God bless =)
After my bandmate had invited me for the 2nd time, I decided to follow him to City Harvest Church. When I reached there, listening the gospel songs....suddenly my heart feel so calm. The band not bad though, enjoyed the songs and the way they played.
The talks given by the pastor is quite interesting though...was sharing about relationships and marriage. Suddenly learn something new....relationships and marriage is not a try out...it's a journey and you have to try your best to maintain it. It just like a car, and you need to refuel or else it will run dry.
By the way, thanks to my bandmate and his girlfriend prayed for me with their heart. Know you both trying the best to cheer me up and...kinda touching. The tears rolling in my eyes when listening you both prayed. But....the things....just let the God to decide. However, sincerely...thanks to you both =)
There's something really hard to understand... When I didn't inform you, you said I didn't inform you and not happy with it. When I'm telling you where I've been and inform you I'll be late, you are not happy with it also. Either I tell or not....still die. Do you think I really wanna back late? I do wish to back early too... Would you listen the reason I wanna give? Or you want me to make a lie to you???...which I don't want to. Have I really angry you before when you did the same?
I just wish that someone can listen to me and be my side...end up both being silent....
Dizzy....guess I'm not feeling well... Thought you will care me more...ended up just 1 sentence from you... Sometimes I really don't know.....am I still that important for you? Or am I just expecting too much from you? Or you really don't know how to express how much you care? Sometimes I pretend to be ok doesn't mean I'm really ok at all....I do need someone pamper me too =(
Ended up I pamper my own self to sleep...
*hopefully I will be recovered by tomorrow...god bless*
Recently really emo a lot...lots of stuff came into my mind, nearly wanna cry when I was alone. Thought I'm big boy enough to handle everything but I'm not that strong enough to face everything. Not young though....time pass very fast..really worry bout' my future. Wanna do lots of things but I can't see the light =(
Talked to my buddy..seems like different people were giving me different opinion. Don't know why...since when, I'm lost. I'm fear...of everything. Seeing everyone around me is like having a bright career and future....but I'm still in the same pace. Lost.. Fear... and doubtful... Why?? Am I too negative?
Really fell into the deep this time......god, I need guidance =((((
So many things wanna tell. So many things wanna listen......but...sigh
something changed...but can't figure it out. suddenly so hard to for us to communicate.. try to make some effort for it....but seems like it didn't work well... Am I'm thinking too much sometimes? Have I done something wrong? Or...I'm not that good enough?
Yes!!!! I know it's a bit late for me to post this....and I'll be performing with my band soon in just about less than 15 hours. Probably nobody will read my post in the middle of the night...LOL
Anyway, if you got nothing to do, just break up, nidda do some exercise, wanna be a mad dog on this boring Sunday, which is tomorrow, just come over to JRock no Tamashii 2 at 3pm. You can shout like nobody there, run like a mad dog or even keep shaking your head like you had pills. It's Rock gig and all the bands will be performing japanese and anime songs.
Actually, I've knew bout this gig since I was Form 6 and I keep telling myself for sure, I will get in there one day. And it finally dream come true. But on the other side, it would be the last time for my band to perform since my bassist is leaving to China this month. Temporary we don't have our future plan yet..kinda sad huh? Anyway, if you like Jrock or...you are one of our supporters. Please please please.....come and get high with me! This time...we are going to high till the MAX!
So...what are you waiting for?? come lar wei..for more info, please type Jrock Tamashii then you will find the details.
*It's a special moment for me, really hope that someone who is important for me can share this moment with me. You meant more than anyone else. If you were there, I would be really glad and excited but...guess you won't show up this time..suan le ba =( *
I just want a change! To have a better financial situation. I just want a change! To have a better lifestyle. I just want a change! To have a good behavior. I just want a change! To have a strong mindset. I just want a change! To become a good leader. I just want a change! To be an outstanding person. I just want a change! To get closer to my dream. I just want a change! To impress and motivate people around me.
And~~~~ I just want a change! To prove everyone that what I've said is not a JOKE!
To my friend, I might be very weak now. I might be very down sometimes. I might be not smart enough or not flexible enough. I might be can't click with you most of the time. You probably might look down on me...thinking I'm an ego person or what. But honestly, I just want to improve everything. I'm really scare to look backwards again. I'm willingly to learn to everything. I try to be positive everyday. I try to be more responsibility. I try to be more hardworking when you are lazy. I'm willingly to accept every critics and slowly improve. I just wanna be a better person. I wake up early every morning and attend the meeting no matter what.....just to let you know, 'We NEED a CHANGE'. As we promise to our leader before.
I just want to achieve the vision together. And we are partner. You might not be my leader anymore but I do treat you as one of my best friends (although I don't follow your living style). You are the one who bring me to here and I do sincerely treat you as my partner. Why you will hate me sometimes?? I never hate you before....just disappointed sometimes when you behave as previous. Still remember how you said that you wanna change? I believe what you've said and wish that we could achieve together. It's so simple. I know you will run off sometimes...so I set myself as a role model to prove to you that we still can walk along to overcome every obstacles. Why you will think I'm Lan 9 7 you?
I know I might be negative sometimes and I don't know the way to talk. But I really try hard to learn it and improve it. I just being honest with true friends. If you are not my true friends, I don't even wanna care. But still....I will improve my weakness. So, next time you will feel better when I give comment to you.
Bro....have you reflect yourself?
I just want a change. And we can achieve it together. THAT'S ALL....
Guess I've been thinking a lot lately....worry, worry and worry =( lots of negative thinking in my mind.. Tried to make myself happy a bit. Watch TV, play games, hang out with my gang but....still the same.. What happen to me? Anyone can tell? Am I having depression??
Wish I know what I'm thinking....everything will be fine =x
I wish that you can understand my situation
I wish that you can understand how hard is my job
I wish that you are the only one who support me when I'm down
No matter how my parents disagree with what I'm doing...
even if only you just one, already enough to make me have the courage to go on further
I wish that you are the one who pamper me back when I'm sad
I wish that you can trust me more
I wish that you know I'm working hard to have a better future for us
I wish that you know...you are the only motivator for me to drive on
I wish that you can control your temper sometimes
I wish that you can talk to me
I wish that you know how much I miss you when you not around
I wish that
I wish that.......
I wish that
you know how much....
I love you
and....
it never change.
just left bout' 7 days to the financial closing....I'm still the same, can't produce anything. Seeing all the people around me has qualify for the convention trip...but I'm still at the same pace. I know....I can't blame for everything...but I'm really scare....lack of energy and lack of confidence. I'm just too weak. wanna find someone to talk to....but nobody there. Thinking to talk to you.......but haiz....having war again~~~
*end up.....crying alone~~~*
No matter what...I must not give up!!!!! 7 days left...
Was really really excited today. Get to see my honey this evening. It's been around 1 month that I didn't see her. She's at the hometown for this long long long semester break while I was busy working and preparing the gig which held last night. She came back to KL last night cuz' was having an external paper exam this afternoon. I knew, she's been so hardworking for the exam and finally.....she PASSED!! hooray =)
Although just manage to meet you up for less than 2 hours =( but.....you do made my day^^ Will come to visit you for next 2 weeks le....keke.
Anyway, will update bout' my performance at the SUKMA 2011 once I got the photos. I came out a side project, 'Jack In The Box'. Stay tune =)
hey guys....I'm going to perform at SUKMA 2011 Closing Ceremony tonight with my new side project, "JACK In The Box". Location will be at Mini Stadium Majlis Sukan Negara Malaysia, Bukit Jalil. It just located beside the Bukit Jalil National Stadium. Anyway...although it's not the national stadium..but it still looks huge for me. I went to there for sound check yesterday and I was stunt!! OMG...its like having a mini concert...and we are the only guest performance for live band.
So...we will be performing 7 songs tonight. The list are: 1. Mimpi yang sempurna - Peterpan 2. Just Dance - Lady Gaga 3. Always be my baby - David Cook 4. Monsoon - Tokio Hotel 5. Time is running out - Muse 6. Demi Cinta - Kerispatih 7. Without you - Own composed song
Alright...so these are the details: time: 7.30pm entrace: FREE!!! venue: Mini Stadium Majlis Sukan Negara Malaysia, Bukit Jalil
argh..I'm sick again. Sore throat...my voice gone!! Can I recover within this 2 weeks? My next performance is coming soon. Some more I gotta do a recording on next Tuesday =(
My right eyes...swollen again...don't know why. This is the 2nd time. Hopefully is not serious =(
This is a story bout' how a rocker meets an angel...
One day, a rocker went into the library.... He saw a girl who looks familiar in front of him. They passed by and gave a glance on each other. Something funny is, actually the rocker turned back.. And looked at her again.... But the girl never notice bout' it..till now I guess >.<
Later on.. the rocker found out that the girl added him earlier in Facebook. The rocker took the first step, And they both became friends since then.... The girl is pretty, cute, caring.. of cuz'..she is as shy as other girls too But... the most important is The rocker found his way home when he looks into her eyes. She's like the sun, which gonna break the dawn, gives him the energy to live on every day. She's like the moon, which shinning brightly in the night, shows him the light whenever he is in the dark. She's like the shooting star, shinning brightly in the velvet sky, Bringing him the joy and happiest moment. She's just like.. an Angel for him, always be the first one to give him, courage and caring. It's so touching, melted his heart...
After don't know how many months.. The rocker fell in love with the angel, and the angel fell in love with him too.. and then.... They hold their hands... Started their very own new chapter.. together.
end
Of course..the ROCKER is me >< yea...the story may sounds like very old or not interesting but..it's my true story^^. We started bout' 3 months++ ago. I felt really happy when I'm with her. When I'm with her, I feel like I was surrounded by the comfort...it's something hard to describe with words. I like the moment when the first thing that I look at her morning sms greeting once I wake up in the morning. I enjoy the moment when she messaged me every night before she is going to sleep. I like the moment when she reminds me to have my lunch and dinner earlier everyday. She is so cute sometimes..and makes me think of her everyday. She will give me a sudden message when I think of her^^ She just like my angel, send from up above and show me the love <3
Karyee and myself! (like this photo the most..was taken while we were eating during Zau's bday celebration)
Yup...so the angel that I was talking about is the girl in the picture ><
Honey..although we just started not long ago but..I glad that I've found you in my life. Thanks for your caring and be the one who support me always. I enjoy the moment when I was staring at your face. Every time I look into your eyes, I see our future in an instant. I think I've found my way home. I know that it might sound more than a little crazy but...I do believe, I knew I loved you before I met you and I think, I dreamed you into my life. Maybe I'm too noob sometimes, and we quarrel alot >.<. But I do believe, things will get better. I wish that you could be the one that I'm gonna spend my life with. I wanna love you with every breath that I have.
Rachel...a really funny and gila sense girl ><. She's my 大家姐 in YLS (actually her has the same age as me ><). She's a good singer and I like her voice since the first time I watch her performance. Still remembered the first time I know her...she always has the serious face and seldom talk to me but...in the end, found out that she just as bird as I am..LOL. Anyway, thanks to you that guiding me along my days in YLS. Enjoy the moment when we performed together. Glad that I can write a song for you. Hey, do you know..you look like Amy Lee from the Evanescence for me? That's why I wrote 'the knight' for you last year. Maybe we can form a band like Evanescence next time? haha..
Found out some photos that we took since my first year. Just realized that we have all grown up. Hope that we can have more chances to perform together next time. Thanks Rachel =)
yea I know, been abandoned my blog for many many many months...so now I back!! Seeing most of my friends writing their comments on their last Dayao performance few months ago. So, I decided to write some of my feelings towards Dayao 2011, although it's a bit late..
yup...been involving in this event, 大摇 (Dayao) since 2009 and this time is my last year to join this event. Hope that I can still join this event but already announced that this is my last performance in campus..wont come back here anymore (LOL..too lansi already). But honestly, I developed my talent from the 摇篮手 (Yao Lan Shou) society, which is the main society that organize this event. Still remembered I was just a fresh new kid who only know how to hold a guitar and sing along. However, from this society..I'm glad to meet a bunch of seniors and my buddies who help me along my developing progress. They are SiangXi, Chris, Guo Rong, Mi Zheng, Wan Jia, Rachel and not forgetting my buddies...Zau, yunfei, weesim, kaiwen and palapes. I won't be able to come this stage without them especially my buddies. Anyway, we still have to move on to another level so that we can develop more and more. Always hope that I can go out there to perform and meet new friends instead of just performing in the campus circle..but still lack of the chances. I know I have to fly out there. So..not going to come back campus lu..haha.
Thought I'm going to be more free this time compare with last year when I was the producer in this event but...actually more tiring. Again...stand a chance to sing, play as a musician, doing music arrangement but got a new task, which is leading the juniors. Yea...as a senior, I should teach what I have learnt to the juniors...maybe not much that I can teach but hope that they can learn few things through out the process. This time yunfei and myself came out 2 songs and in charged the music arrangement for another 3 songs. However, 1 of the song was in acoustic..so just let the composer handle it..was quite worried bout it but it turn up not bad in overall =)
Actually yunfei and myself faced many difficulties through out the preparation for the performance. We wanna make something different compare with others in term of the music arrangement. We wanna show our identity, what we are and the message through out the song performance. Still the same..some of the others think that we were dreaming big and we can't make it due to the time constraint and lack of the knowledge in music theory. However, we proved them wrong on that night. I'm glad that SiangXi praised us that our music arrangement have to reach to another level. The most touching moment was Zau finally agreed to help us perform for the song, One Inch Closer. That song was the theme song for my very own band, One Inch Closer...I was trying to compose a song which can show our identity 1 year ago and I did it this time. I was begging Zau for few times but he just refused it but.....one day, Zau messaged me and told me that he should be part of the song and he wanted to perform that song. I was so excited...really. Zau, really thanks to you =) In addition, I would like to thanks to Daniel Khong who helps us out as a drum sessionist. I'm really respect him. Although his skills are limited, but he really put lot of effort on every song. He really dedicated and try his best to meet our expectation. I believe this is what we call..the passion of music? Ya...nearly forgotten bout' Yuan Teng. Thank you for helping me to write the lyrics..the lyrics are very touching. Sorry for bringing you inconvenient.
Received some good comments and also critics bout' this event. Some might say...the songs are too noisy lar, not nice lar, whatever...but some of them do enjoy watching the show. I believe different audience different taste. Honestly, our songs might be can't compare with the professional but I would say that we are the best among the campus level. Our songs composing are more mature..from melody, lyrics and our best advantage, music arrangement. I read some blogs from my friends who complained bout the event. For my advice, please don't critics us by just viewing from the outlook. What abandon band, superstar band, talented band..etc. SHIT YOU!! How much effort have you put in for the performance?? Do you know how hard we have gone through during the preparation? We nearly give up before the performance but we still determine cuz' we know...music is our passion, our life. I'm not talented or luckiest...I'm just hardworking and determine..that's all!
For me...maybe many of them have forgotten who am I. I'm still myself....a singer who sing along with his guitar..like to rock on the stage. I'm not that good till people can call me as musician or music arranger and not even a producer. Yea..I still got lots of space to improve but I will try hard to improve it. What do you think?
Finally, would like to thanks to my buddy, yunfei who keep me still passionate in music. I wouldn't come to this stage without you. Really enjoy the moment that we perform together as a band with our own identity instead of I'm just performing solo. The fun is there when a bunch of friends form a band and achieve a goal together. Yunfei...thanks for motivating me sometimes. I still wanna run the band to go further but we are graduating soon. Heard you got some own plan..so..I won't stop you. I still wanna continue to play as a band...but I nidda start working also..really confuse now. Maybe tonight we will have a meet up and discuss our plan?
yea...almost forgotten (I'm so forgetful). Someone very important to me came to support me that night =) em...will introduce her in upcoming blog..stay tune!! Honestly...I felt really really really excited when I saw u from the stage. It's so touch when you came to watch for my rehearsal 2 days before the event. Thanks le^^
A photographer managed to take this photo during my performance. A prophet claim that it's a good sign that I'm going to be a super rock star in the near future. LOL... Future...who knows?
To Zau and Yunfei, That's a song come into my mind whenever I think bout' the band and how we gone through the difficulties and share the stage enjoyment together. So, wanna dedicated this song to you both..it brings so much memories to me. Hope that we still can go on as a band =)
To everyone who has great passion in music as we do. I would like to dedicated this video to you all. Hope that it can inspire you to be determine and keep chasing your dream. Chill =)
