you....

I know....it's been around 2 months..

but why I still keeping that memories? I should give up but why I still stubborn? thinking still have that little chance? oh..come on..don't make me laugh..

Little update!!

actually..I really don't have much time to blog recently because of the upcoming live band performance. But...sometimes just feel emo and wanna post something here..

Bout' my preparation for the performance... I'm really scare..worry that my band can't finish on time..and it affected others. I don't want to fail everyone. Felt like I'm such a failure..nothing good in me. Study? ya..I can get a not bad result although I not really study but...it's almost 2 years I'm studying degree..I still don't know what I'm studying, what's the knowledge I obtain. All I know is study to score so I won't fail everyone...especially my parents who give high hope on me. Seeing everyone keep talking bout economics issue but I really don't know what are they talking about. Basketball? Still no improvement.. Socialize? no..people don't dare to approach me...maybe they think like I'm some kind of weirdo. I don't have confidence in making new friends either. Music? no..no..no improvement too. Seeing my bandmates all have improved but I still stay on the same floor..what have I done all these years? I really not good in planning and doing everything. And I keep causing others trouble..seeing their blog scolding me indirectly..I'm such a failure..

Everyday, I motivate myself, saying that everyday will be a good day..working hard for everyday..wanna enjoy my life but sometimes just will feel the pressure..don't know where it comes from. Don't know why...performing on stage has become a pressure for me since last few months..I will feel nervous sometimes..previously I won't, I will enjoy every moment on stage. I wanna find back the way I am..the one who can rocking on the stage..but I have lost. Maybe as my bandmates said, this year will be my last performance in UM too..I wanna left something good memories here before I leave. I wanna move further with my bandmates but...can we? Some of us will graduate soon..think everyone of us will have our own path. I wanna appreciate every moment that we spent together... Met a very good taxi driver on my birthday..he told me..I must not have this type of mind set, 'playing music just because of my interest'. Even playing music can bring earn money and a future also..who knows? It's a miracle.. If you have this 'just for interest' thinking..probably you won't go far. I agreed with him but we still have to face the reality.. Anyway, thanks for his advice. What he said really motivated me, I know..my future career is not music but I will try my best to improve myself..make sure I will have a best performance and enjoy every moment...currently still working on it. Hopefully I can see a shining light soon..

I do face some sad and difficult moments...just wish that someone was there for me but...it won't happen.. Probably She still think that I'm wasting time with all these stupid stuff...still useless as usual..no secure.. Even my parents not supporting me.. Not going to care..I just wanna do something that I do is right so that I won't regret in my life.. Probably I will smile and telling my legend stories to my grandson when they asked me bout my PRS guitar..LOL. But..do you know..you are the one who can enlightened me when I'm falling into the deep hole?

I wanna finish my task on time...then I can throw everything away..and just have fun on the stage with my bandmates that already accompany me through this 1 year..

so..will you all coming to my performance? it's on 24/2/10,7pm in my campus..