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无缘

Sometime...really feel like god is playing with us...

Just knew...we were so close today....really really close!! Probably we were just few meters away..Same Time! Same place!

But.......the funny thing is.....

We didn't notice bout' it and we couldn't see each other...

It's the destiny...

'无缘' =(

Last....and my true words..

Probably....this is the last post that I wanna post here. Found out that I posted lots of emo stuff here. Realize there are few people read my blog..and they were worry bout me. Shouldn't let them worry anymore. But...it's so hard to keep everything by myself. There's nobody that I can really talk to. Wanna talk and share with you but I don't get a chance to do so.....here is the last place that I can tell out my feelings and probably.....maybe to let you know =(

Recently lots of stuff happened....the things around us has changed and the people changed. Try to make it back as normal as we had before...but it won't back to what we used to have. But no matter how, I tried my best to love you, care you and appreciate you. I tried my best to show you how I care for you and how I think of you. I always wish that you are willingly to tell and share with me your problems. I might be not always on time for you but I really try my best to be there for you no matter how. I put effort on us...just to let you know I'm serious with our relationships. But the thing...it doesn't work out. The way I did most probably wrong....I couldn't bring you secure. I couldn't bring you trust. You choose to close the door for me. Suddenly I felt...I'm just like a stranger for you. I'm not the one that you used to love anymore.

You are the one who told me with 7 words, 'forever and always, I will love you'. And with this...I take this as my believe and my promise. I really work hard to build our future cuz I know...we are going to walk side by side for the journey in the future. No matter how hard the obstacles are...your hand is the only thing I wanna hold with. I never think that you are not good enough for me, maybe sometimes you treated me a little bit bad...but it doesn't matter...... Cuz' I know, from deep down of your heart, You are the one who love me the most and I really appreciate it. It's not that easy to find someone that you love and she loves you with her heart. That's why...not matter how harsh that you told me..I use all of my heart to save it back. I don't wish to complain anything...just the thing is...I felt like you not used to treat me like you have before. I'm worry and I'm scare of losing you. Probably some mistakes that I've done before makes you treat me like that but...everyone does has mistakes. Could you accept it if you love me? I don't expect anything from you...I just wish that you could care me like how sweet you did before. Just a little bit is enough to cheer my day =( I'm not complaining...I just wanna tell you the problem so that you would know.. If I really don't care of it and treat it like nothing...probably you are not that important in my heart anymore. But the fact is...I didn't do so...

Wish to meet you today and have a talk with you.....but you choose to turn down. Know you will be having test soon....so....after few days ba =(

Guess you might be reading it or not. But...Just to let you know...we are couples. Everything about you will related to me. We share every hard time and happiness together. What you did will affected me. How you feel will related to my feelings as well. If we really love each other...we shall love our hearts out...there's nothing to hide...and we trust on each other.

Probably...I'm not that good enough for you..and might not meet what you expected. The way I care you was wrong...and makes you feel that I'm so annoying. The promise I gave...only bring you disappointment. I don't deserve anything from you. From now on...you have all the freedom that you want to..without thinking of me. You have all the time you want to...without spending a single minute for me. You can do what you like..without caring how I feel. I don't mean anything for you anymore...I won't control you. Guess you will live better without me... It's the last and the true words that I wanna say and not gonna post at here anymore. I will keep everything with myself...

Still remember....it was the song playing when the first time I confessed to you. Hope that it could pamper me to sleep better tonight. It's been 3 nights continuously that I can't sleep already. God bless =)

Appreciate

After my bandmate had invited me for the 2nd time, I decided to follow him to City Harvest Church. When I reached there, listening the gospel songs....suddenly my heart feel so calm. The band not bad though, enjoyed the songs and the way they played.

The talks given by the pastor is quite interesting though...was sharing about relationships and marriage. Suddenly learn something new....relationships and marriage is not a try out...it's a journey and you have to try your best to maintain it. It just like a car, and you need to refuel or else it will run dry.

By the way, thanks to my bandmate and his girlfriend prayed for me with their heart. Know you both trying the best to cheer me up and...kinda touching. The tears rolling in my eyes when listening you both prayed. But....the things....just let the God to decide. However, sincerely...thanks to you both =)

Anyway, I'm still a Buddhism...haha.

God bless us...

Not the one....

Perhaps....there's a thick wall between us..

Making effort to change myself, to care you more, to be considerate, to understand you more, to compromise...

But all you can think of....is just you and your stuff..

Perhaps, I'm not the one who is important for you anymore...

Something wanna tell~~

There's something really hard to understand... When I didn't inform you, you said I didn't inform you and not happy with it. When I'm telling you where I've been and inform you I'll be late, you are not happy with it also. Either I tell or not....still die. Do you think I really wanna back late? I do wish to back early too... Would you listen the reason I wanna give? Or you want me to make a lie to you???...which I don't want to. Have I really angry you before when you did the same?

I just wish that someone can listen to me and be my side...end up both being silent....

Dizzy....guess I'm not feeling well... Thought you will care me more...ended up just 1 sentence from you... Sometimes I really don't know.....am I still that important for you? Or am I just expecting too much from you? Or you really don't know how to express how much you care? Sometimes I pretend to be ok doesn't mean I'm really ok at all....I do need someone pamper me too =(

Ended up I pamper my own self to sleep...

*hopefully I will be recovered by tomorrow...god bless*

Negative!!

Lost, fear, doubtful.......negative!!

Recently really emo a lot...lots of stuff came into my mind, nearly wanna cry when I was alone. Thought I'm big boy enough to handle everything but I'm not that strong enough to face everything. Not young though....time pass very fast..really worry bout' my future. Wanna do lots of things but I can't see the light =(

Talked to my buddy..seems like different people were giving me different opinion. Don't know why...since when, I'm lost. I'm fear...of everything. Seeing everyone around me is like having a bright career and future....but I'm still in the same pace. Lost.. Fear... and doubtful... Why?? Am I too negative?

Really fell into the deep this time......god, I need guidance =((((

from my heart........

So many things wanna tell. So many things wanna listen......but...sigh

something changed...but can't figure it out. suddenly so hard to for us to communicate.. try to make some effort for it....but seems like it didn't work well... Am I'm thinking too much sometimes? Have I done something wrong? Or...I'm not that good enough?

time to sleep and don't want to think anymore....